Crazy Sammich Man
It really tickles me when I meet crazy people. And by tickle I mean I get a rush of adrenaline that pushes me to not only entertain their delusions but also create my own.
I met a man downtown who looked like a high-class homeless man. Don’t know what that looks like? I don’t either. I just like to add “high-class” to almost any title because it sounds important. This man was definitely important to my own personal amusement. Now you might be thinking, Geez Maddie, did you lie to another stranger? Yes. Yes I did. But he asked for it.
Anyway, I was rushing to a nearby bookstore to buy a novel that I was told would blow my mind. Now when I say rushing, I mean that I was almost jogging because I had a stupid bus to catch. From the shadows this homeless man emerged and approached me in an aggressive manner. I was a little startled but mostly annoyed that he was blocking my path.
"Ma’am, I believe you’re the one who took my sandwich."
I shook my head. “Nope, sorry sir. Unfortunately I am not the one who took your sandwich.”
"I recognize your red hair. There ain’t a lot of redheads ‘round here. It was you."
I just recently became a redhead and was slightly confused for a second. Then I was flattered. He thought my hair color looked natural? Aw, how nice. I wanted to thank him for the compliment but I noticed he was not happy. Oh yeah, someone stole his sandwich.
"Hmm ok. Well what kind of sandwich was it?" I asked.
"You took my ham and cheese sandwich." He was so sure I was the sandwich thief. How could I not mess with him?
I played dumb and tried to act like I was really interested. “What kind of bread was it on.”
"The brown kind," he said with a bit of attitude. I think he even tried to roll his eyes at me. I really was in a hurry so I decided to get to it and get him away.
"Oh, so it was a sammich?"
"Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. A sandwich." He acted like I was the dumbest person he’d ever spoken with. Which might be true. Judging by his lack of mannerisms I don’t think he’s held many two-way conversations.
"Yup. Now what did this sammich look like. Was it sammich shaped?"
The man was clearly getting pissed. I knew I should have just walked away but I was on fire.
"Sir, was it shaped like this?" and I proceeded to make an oval above my head with my arms.
"No, it was shaped like a damn sandwich! Argh, keep it you crazy bitch!" He yelled and then shuffled back into the shadows.
I’m getting too good at this.
As you search for happiness, don’t forget to just be.
I can’t believe Isaac is graduating. It’s strange to think that my brothers will all be attending college this fall and Salene only has a few more years left in high school. I’m getting old.
This is so beautiful. Seriously. Stunning.